HUILBABY’S    

fotoAuteur:         Marleen Oosterhof
Inspiraties:  M.de Vrij (gewone en spirituele achtergronden).

Al enige tijd verdiep ik me in mijn werk als orthopedagoog in de gewone en minder gewone oorzaken bij huilbabies. Via inspiraties van Marieke de Vrij komen we vaak achter de diepere achtergronden van bepaalde problematiek. Hieronder een overzicht van de ons nu bekende oorzaken en de “spirituele” diepgang van een aantal ervan. De inzichten en meer gedetailleerdere adviezen zijn verwerkt in een protocol wat ik schreef over het omgaan met huilbaby’s in de reguliere gezondheidszorg. (Letterlijke inspiratie is “schuingedrukt”).

Wanneer spreken we van een huilbaby?
Huilen is het communicatiemiddel van een baby om zich kenbaar te maken aan zijn omgeving. Wanneer het kind meerdere uren per dag huilende is en wanneer het voor de omgeving niet te begrijpen is, waarom het kind huilt, dan spreken we van een “huilbaby”. Achter het huilen ligt meestal een boodschap; daarom dient de baby net zolang geobserveerd te worden, totdat hij begrepen wordt. Huilen schijnt toch essentieel te zijn voor de longontwikkelingsfunctie en de zelfbekrachtiging van het kind. Niet alle huilen duidt op een gevoel van niet-welbevinden. Echter wanneer het kind huilt en zich niet prettig voelt, dient het kind zich gehoord te voelen op een wijze van bemoediging.

50% van alle oorzaken van extreem veel huilen, heeft een z.g.lichamelijke oorzaak, zoals: honger, moeheid, spijsverteringsproblematiek, huidovergevoeligheid, niet lekker liggen, te warm/te koud, te weinig beschutting, overgevoelig voor bepaalde stoffen e.d..
Veel kinderen voelen zich onvoldoende begrepen in deze en zodoende wordt hier al vaak de basis gelegd voor veel interactieproblemen op basis van onveiligheidsgevoelens.

Niet alle lichamelijke oorzaken zijn snel op te lossen, met name veel spijsverteringsproblematiek en huidovergevoeligheid.
Laat daarom de ouder het kind benaderen op een wijze van bemoediging. Leer de ouder hoe hij het kind innerlijk zaken kan “uitleggen”, zodat het zich begrepen voelt. Als het kind zich gesteund voelt, ook al heeft het ergens last van, dan is er geen schade wat betreft de basisveiligheid van het kind.

Spijsverteringsproblematiek komt veel voor. Hier wordt in de reguliere gezondheidszorg vaak heel eenzijdig mee omgegaan. De problemen zijn veelal het gevolg van het niet-zuiver eten van de ouder (bij borstvoeding) of het niet kunnen verwerken nog van kant-en-klaar voedsel, daar de structuur van het kind hiervoor nog te verfijnd is. Goede voedingsalternatieven zijn vaak niet voorhanden.

Huidallergie: veel kinderen zijn erg gevoelig voor bepaalde stoffen en reageren met een ruwe huid, exceem e.d. en extreem veel huilen aanvankelijk.

Inspiratief hierover het volgende(Marieke de Vrij)
Veel van deze kinderen sluiten zich af voor aanrakingen door hun huid te verruwen, waardoor zij psychosomatisch aangeven niet aangeraakt te willen worden. Deze kinderen hebben menigmaal gevoelige zaken meegemaakt in het leven voor dit leven, waarin zij zichzelf zeer moeizaam hebben kunnen doen bewegen binnen zich vrijgeven op een uiterlijke wijze van wat innerlijk in hen omging. Zij hebben menigmaal zichzelf beschermd door hun gevoelens verborgen te weten te houden en te doen alsof zij het met zaken eens waren in hun omgeving, terwijl zij dit innerlijk niet waren. Deze kinderen hebben daarom nu last van een overgangsperiode van weer te komen in vertrouwen naar de buitenwereld toe en te komen tot zelfinmenging.”

De therapie ligt in het z.g. “innerlijk toespreken“.
Als begeleider leer je de moeder het kind gelijkwaardig te benaderen op zieleniveau. Wezenlijke contactlegging is essentieel, waarin je het kind zijn “leerthema” kunt uitleggen en waarin je hem kunt bemoedigen. Bewustzijn van dit thema is essentieel wil je het kind wezenlijk kunnen bereiken.

fotoEen tweede grote groep oorzaken van extreem veel huilen ligt in de interactie tussen het kind en zijn ouders. Het zeer jonge kind is gevoelsmatig-emotioneel nog geheel betrokken op de ouders en neemt van hen elke spanning, bezorgdheid, nervositeit waar. Dit hoeft geen probleem te zijn (ouders zitten immers ook in een ontwikkelingsproces), mits zij zich er maar van bewust zijn dat het kind dit allemaal waarneemt en mits zij bereid zijn het kind veel in deze “uit te leggen”.
Zorgvuldig en gelijkwaardig met het kind omgaan is hierbij zeer essentieel. Ouders en kind hebben veel aan elkaar te leren ook in deze eerste levensfase.
Wel nadelig voor de ontwikkeling van de baby is de situatie waarbij onenigheid bestaat tussen de ouders op een onuitgesproken wijze. Met name de nonverbale disbalans tussen beide ouders kan op een klein kind zeer storend werken, daar dit als beklemmend wordt ervaren.
Er zijn ook ouders waarvan het kind eigenlijk geen moment mag huilen.
Dit betekent in feite een ontkenning van een deel van het kind. Immers de boodschap die de ouders aan hun kind geven is: het is goed, als je stil bent en in een evenwichtige stemming; wij staan niet toe, dat je ook andere momenten hebt. Wij willen alleen een paradijs hier op aarde, wij geloven niet dat je krachtig genoeg bent om je eigen vervelende momenten te boven te komen enz. Dit leidt uiteindelijk tot veel emotionele problematiek. Het is belangrijk de ouders te leren wederom het kind met respect te benaderen, hem te bevestigen in al zijn aspecten en hem te bemoedigen als er moeilijke momenten zijn.

Een derde groep huilbabies (ongeveer 10% van alle extreme huilers) wordt gevormd door “bijzondere problematiek“, waaronder we rekenen: de (over)prikkelbare baby, de overactieve baby en de baby die buien kent, waarin hij angstige zaken (her)beleeft. Eigenlijk in onze “spirituele” optiek gezien, de kinderen met bijzondere ontwikkelingskansen, mits goed herkend en begeleid!!
De overprikkelde baby is zeer alertgevoelig in het opnemen van indrukken van allerlei soort. (geluid, licht, aanrakingen, aanwezigheid van meerdere personen, bewegingen van mensen en apparaten). Deze baby’s zijn moeilijk hanteerbaar voor de ouders, daar de gewone omgang al vlug leidt tot een overreactie. Wij denken dat met name de eerste drie maanden erg essentieel zijn in de begeleiding. We zien n.l. dat wanneer de eerste maanden niet omgeven zijn met overprikkeling, het kind zich geleidelijk aan meer rustig kan ontwikkelen. Deze baby dient een omgeving om zich heen te hebben die in evenwicht is: langzame weloverwogen bewegingen, zachte kleuren en geluiden enz.
Via inspiratie bestaat de volgende hypothese over deze kinderen:
“Er is nog onvoldoende indaling van de geest in het lichaam, waardoor ze overalert reageren. Er is vaak sprake van angst voor incarnatie, omdat de incarnatie veelvragend zal zijn en het kind dit reeds bij voorbaat wetende is, waardoor het angstig is voor overvraging van het leven zelf. Deze kinderen zijn angstig niet paraat te zijn voor wat het leven hen vraagt, daarom is geruststelling en een ondersteunende benadering adequaat, omdat het kind dient te vertrouwen op de eigen krachten die ingebouwd zijn in hemzelf om dit leven tot een goed einde te brengen.”

De overactieve baby is van binnenuit onrustig, gespannen. Deze baby kan zich in tegenstelling tot de overprikkelde baby in een rustige omgeving niet zelf ontspannen en moet hier veelal bij geholpen worden. Het overactieve kind heeft vaak een tekort aan lichaamscontact, bemerkt aanrakingen aanvankelijk nauwelijks op, houdt niet van knuffelen, zuigt indrukken van buitenaf naar binnen (houdt van een prikkelrijke omgeving), jut zichzelf op en vindt het dan moeilijk om weer rust te vinden. De overactiviteit kan direct vanaf de geboorte ontstaan, maar begint ook vaak pas enige weken of maanden erna.
Via inspiratie bestaat hierover de volgende hypothese:
“Kinderen als deze hebben menigmaal zich in aanvang afzijdig van hun omgeving gehouden omdat zij overgangsmoeilijkheden hadden om te komen in acceptatie van waar binnen zij geïncarneerd zijn. Zij hebben na verloop van tijd zichzelve voorgenomen om incarnatie te doen doorzetten op een wijze van zelfstandig hier contact mee te zoeken. Echter hun motoriek is een periode lang verstild geweest en vraagt daarom om heractivering. Daar dit soms kan leiden tot stug uitziend lichamelijk gedrag, geeft dit de omstanders het gevoel alsof het kind zich gehandicapt voortbeweegt, daar bewegingen niet natuurlijk vloeiend zijn.”

Het kind versnelt zijn motoriek in feite om te komen tot herprikkeling, daar het lichaam enige tijd onderprikkeld is geweest, omdat het kind niet wezenlijk contact maakte met de wereld om hem heen.

Therapie: bewuste aanrakingen waarin een wezenlijke ontmoetingskracht in ligt. Het kind uitnodigen de incarnatieopdracht aan te gaan en steun hierbij aanbieden.

Tot slot de groep baby’s die regressies beleven, herinneringservaringen hebben. Er zijn evenveel baby’s die prettige zaken herbeleven als angstaanjagende. In dit artikel over huilbaby’s heb ik het over de laatste groep.
Deze kinderen hebben gemeen dat een toestand van algehele ontspanning hen kan doen wegzakken in onverwerkte ervaringen.

“Wanneer deze kinderen zich ontspannen en vervolgens geconfronteerd worden met bepaalde geluiden, bewegingen, personen die oude herinneringen doen herinneren, dan worden zij a.h.w. ongewild getuige van oude zaken die in hen doen herleven.

Zij kunnen dan uitermate overstuur reageren, wanneer dit om angstige herinneringen gaat.”

De therapie/begeleiding bestaat uit het opsporen van de “aanleidingen” , deze helpen te transformeren door een andere energie hierin te leggen en het z.g. innerlijk uitleggen aan het kind wat geschiedt. Dit laatste is specifieker dan bij de vorige groepen baby’s, daar dit kind op een dieper innerlijk niveau aangesproken dient te worden.

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