Deel 1: Hoe kunnen ouders en opvoeders komen tot een norm- en waardebepaling vanuit de ziel? 

fotoDikwijls wordt de vraag gesteld waar de normen en waarden die wij aan het kind stellen op gebaseerd dienen te zijn? Velen van ons voelen zich heen en weer geslingerd tussen gevoel en praktijk.

Hoe kan ik mijn kind tot aangepast gedrag brengen en toch niet zijn identiteitsvorming onder druk zetten vraagt men zich hierbij af?
Kloppen de normen en waarden wel die vanuit de maatschappij als waardevol worden aangemerkt?
Velen voelen een leemte tussen dat wat als normgevend vanuit de samenleving wordt gesteld en dat wat als waardevol vanuit ons diepste weten wordt ervaren.

Wat gebeurt er hierbij allemaal met ons? 
We voelen aan de ene kant vervreemding van maatschappelijke wetten en eisen. Maar we kunnen aan de andere kant moeilijk vormgeven aan wat in ons zelf geweten wordt. We kunnen zelfs geen naam geven aan wat in ons zelf geweten wordt, noch dit onder woorden brengen.
Hoe kunnen we zo onze kinderen opvoeden?

Wat doet het kind met de normen en waarden die het opgelegd krijgt?
Ik denk dat we ons moeten realiseren dat het kind normen en waarden, die opgelegd worden, onbewust toetst, diep in zichzelf en dat het zo “weet” of deze zinvol of zinloos zijn. En het kind zal diep in zichzelf de normen en waarden als zinvol ervaren wanneer zij werkelijk van belang zijn voor zijn ontwikkelingsproces. Dit zal het in diepte herkennen.
Wij volwassenen dienen ons er dan ook eerst op te bezinnen of opgelegde normen en waarden bijdragen aan de wezenlijke ontwikkeling van het kind.

Wat is wezenlijke ontwikkeling?  
Wij allemaal zijn al te lang afgehouden van wat wezenlijk belangrijk is voor onszelf. De maatschappelijke norm- en waardebepaling is grotendeels afgestemd op het behoud en het verkrijgen van bezit, uiterlijke waardering en schijnveiligheid. Grote groepen mensen ervaren diep in zichzelf deze zaken als zinloos.

Zij zijn er immers op gericht zekerheden te verkrijgen die geen werkelijke zekerheid in zich bevatten. Daarom zouden we allereerst die schijnwaarden moeten gaan doorzien. b.v. wanneer men onrechtmatig handelt, dus: wanneer we onszelf stoffelijk of geestelijk verrijken ten koste van de ander.
Stoffelijke verrijking komt voort uit een teveel gebonden zijn aan aardse stoffelijkheid en dit gaat altijd ten koste van de vrije wil van de ander.
Wanneer we geestelijk rechtvaardig willen leven dan zullen we er vanuit moeten gaan dat we allen gelijk zijn… dus ook gelijk aan de crimineel, aan de heilige, de machtigen der aarde, aan het kind…
Dan komen we tot een andere kleuring van wat goed en kwaad is.

Tot nu toe legden we “het slechte” meestal als oorzaak buiten ons zelf.
Bv: “Ik verzet me tegen het opnemen van vreemdelingen in ons land, want ons land is al te vol en illegalen vergroten de kans op criminaliteit…” Maar wordt de echte reden niet verdoezeld? Is de werkelijke reden niet de angst voor verlies van zekerheden als woonruimte, baan, geld?
Door dit verzet tegen vreemdelingen drukken we onze angst weg ten koste van de ander, in dit geval de vreemdeling en trachten we zo onze zekerheden te behouden. Zo doende sluiten we ons zelf af voor een ruimer bewustzijn.

Wat zouden we dan kunnen doen?
We zouden ons allereerst bewust kunnen maken van diepliggende, onbewuste, niet verwerkte, innerlijke emoties als angst, miskenning en dergelijke, die aan deze afwijzing ten grondslag liggen. Hierdoor leggen we de verantwoordelijkheid voor onze innerlijke conflicten niet langer meer buiten onszelf, bij een ander (in dit voorbeeld de vreemdeling) en ook ten koste van hem.
Want hierdoor houden we het innerlijk conflict, dus b.v. onze angst, in stand.
Door de verdoezeling van deze angst zullen we nooit de oorzaken daarvan in onszelf herkennen. Zo is de samenleving tot een algemene, onbestemde houding gekomen. Vervolgens kunnen we, door in onszelf te keren, zien, of wat we doen of zouden willen, ook innerlijk klopt. Pas daarna kunnen we kiezen of onze normen- en waardebepaling en regelgeving overeenkomstig is met wat ons innerlijk als juist aangeeft.
Hier op zouden we onze waarden moeten bepalen; hier vanuit onze normen hanteren en eventueel regels opstellen. Het kind zal deze dan innerlijk herkennen als zinvol.
Zo alleen kan het tot een gelijke afstemming gebracht worden.
Zo zal het open blijven en vertrouwen schenken aan de eigen normen en waardebepaling vanuit zijn ziel.
Het kind daartoe te brengen is “spiritualiteit in de opvoeding”  en dit wordt zo in ’t dagelijkse leven ten diepste in de stof gebracht.

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